Police officer talks to a driver: Your tail light is broken, your tires must be exchanged and your bumper hangs halfway down. That will be 300 dollars.
Driver: Alright, go ahead. They want twice as much as that at the garage.
A boy breaks an old vase at a rich uncle‘s house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: “Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!”
The boy sagged in relief: “Oh, good that it wasn’t new.”
A man goes to the lawyer: “What is your fee?”
Lawyer says: “1000 US dollars for 3 questions.”
Man: “Wow - so much! Isn’t it a bit expensive?”
Lawyer: “Yes, what is your third question?”
An employee complains to his boss, “Sorry boss, but the salary doesn’t even remotely match the effort I put into my work.”
Boss nods, “I know, but we can’t let you starve to death.”
Daddy reads some bedtime stories to make little Jonny fall asleep.
Half an hour later mommy opens quietly the door and asks: “And, is he asleep?”
Little Jonny answers: “Yes, finally.”
Doctor: “You must lose weight immediately! Do not take in more than thousand calories per day!”
Mrs Mummel: “Before or after meals?”
Share husband wife jokes with your friends and family members.
Man to his wife: “Do you know what our 6 year old son wants to be once he’s big?”
Man: “A garbage man. And you know why?”
Wife: “No, why?”
Man: “Because he thinks they only work on Tuesdays.”
Police officer: “Your car is too heavily overloaded. I simply cannot let you continue like that. I’m going to have to take away your driver’s license.”
Driver: “You’re kidding me, right? The license can only weigh one ounce tops!”
I’ve always thought my neighbors were quite nice people. But then they put a password on their Wi-Fi.
A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.
Bus driver to passenger: Don’t you want to sit down?
Passenger: No, I am in a hurry.
After Sunday school, the teacher released the kids to go to church and reminded them, “You all know to be very nice and quiet in the church. And why is that?”
Little Johnny offers, "Miss, it’s so we wouldn’t wake all those people sleeping."
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