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Kids Jokes Collection

Funny Jokes

Kids Jokes # 1

Little Johnny asks the teacher, “Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven’t done?”
Mrs Roberts is shocked, “Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair!”
Little Johnny is relieved, “OK Mrs Roberts, sorry, I haven’t done my homework.”


Kids Jokes # 2

A plane with 4 people on board is about to crash. The 4 people are the pilot, the president, the world’s smartest man and a ten-year-old kid. They only have 3 parachutes between them.
The president cries: “I’m the president, people need me to live!” and he jumps out.
The world’s smartest man cries, “I’m the world’s smartest man, I’m needed in the world!” and he jumps out.
The pilot sighs and says, “You take the last parachute, kid, I’ll go down with the plane, that’s my job.”
The kid smiles, “No need, there are still two parachutes left. The world’s smartest man took my backpack.”


Kids Jokes # 3

Child at dinner table: “Dad, is it OK to eat flies?”
Father: “Billy, none of that at dinner table, do you hear me? That’s disgusting!”
Child shrugs and resumes eating. After dinner, father approaches the kid: “OK, I’m happy you have scientific interests. Now what was it you wanted to know about eating flies?”
Child: “Well you had one in your meatloaf, I just wanted to know if you meant to eat it. But I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.”


Kids Jokes # 4

“Daddy, what is an alcoholic?”
“Do you see those 4 trees, son? An alcoholic would see 8 trees.”
“Um, Dad – there are only 2 trees.”


Kids Jokes # 5

Little Kenny is about to have a big test and his father says: “You better study real good boy, ‘cause if you don’t pass that test, you can forget that you’re my son!”
The next day Kenny comes home and his dad asks him how he did in the test.
Kenny looks at him and says, “And who are you, dude?”


Kids Jokes # 6

Teacher cracks down on Little Johnny: “Come now, Johnny! Admit it. You had your parents help you with the homework, didn’t you?”
Little Johnny replies: “Absolutely not. They did it all by themselves!”


Kids Jokes # 7

Teacher: "You got a zero in the last exam."
Roger: "I don’t think I deserve a zero!"
Teacher: "Neither do I. But I can’t go any lower than that."


Kids Jokes # 8

Little Johnny asks the teacher, “Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven’t done?”
Mrs Roberts is shocked, “Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair!”
Little Johnny is relieved, “OK Mrs Roberts, sorry, I haven’t done my homework.”


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Kids Jokes # 9

Teacher asks the student: “Why are you so late?!”
Student: “Well I was crossing the road and suddenly it says “School ahead, go slowly!”


Kids Jokes # 10

Mother is waking her son: “Paulie, come, wake up, you have to go to school.”
“Aw mom, just a bit more sleep, please.”
“No, it’s really high time, now get up.”
“But I don’t want to. The children annoy me and the teachers are a complete pain!”
“Stop it, now. Get up and off to school with you!”
“Mom, give me two good reasons why I should go to the stupid school.”
“Paulie, first of all, you’re 45, and second, you’re the headmaster.”


Kids Jokes # 11

Raphael runs to his father and starts talking to him urgently, “Dad, dad…”
His father turns to him angrily and says, “I’ve had it with you constantly interrupting me. From now on you’ll speak only when I’ve asked you something!”
Raphael thinks for a second and continues, “OK dad, can you please ask me if you’ve forgotten to put in the handbrake and if your car is now rolling down the road?”


Kids Jokes # 12

Father: And, how do you like going to school?
Son: Well, the going bit is OK, the coming home bit is fine too, but the time in between kind of ruins it!


Kids Jokes # 13

Fiona asks her daddy, “Dad, can you write with your eyes closed?”
“I believe I could, child, if I tried.”
“Excellent, do you think you would like to try it on my school report?”


Kids Jokes # 14

Teacher: Okay class, when I ask you a question, I want you all to answer me at once. How much is six times 3?
Class: "At once!"


Kids Jokes # 15

Dad on the last day of school: So, where’s your school report, my boy?
Tom: Sorry, I’ll bring it a day later.
Dad: Why?
Tom: I borrowed it to Kevin because he wanted to scare his parents.


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